Being 25

Salam.

Welcome to another birthday post of mine! There's nothing new to report, but a year has passed from my last birthday post. This is going to be a very short post, as there's nothing much to talk about, really. I'm celebrating my birthday, alone, while fasting & with eating window of only 5 hours. Literally, I'm still full from my iftar but I still need to eat something for my suhoor, so yeah. I will try to bake my birthday cake (a simple cheesecake with raspberry compote) because no matter what, a birthday should have a cake! I'll put the recipe at the bottom of this post, just because, and it's something like a birthday gift from me to my blog.

Highlights from my last birthday would be I'm in Salford now, 3 months away from finishing my studies. Next would be all the places I've visited in the last 9 months (I couldn't log everything, I'm very sorry). Pretty much that's it! Told ya, it's nothing much. But, I did logged my EU Trip (Part 1, Part 2 & Part 3) but Part 4 is still being written, I couldn't find time to finish it.  Plus, I went to my 2nd KPOP concert that is B.A.P concert in London (LOE London 2016), I probably will log about it, but don't hold it though, I might not! I even visited Harry Potter studio while I'm in London (again, I might log about it, I may not please spare me).

I'll be celebrating Eid with couple of my Malaysian friends, luckily I met them like I celebrated my Eid Adh alone and I have classes on that day too. Sigh, again luckily for Eid Fitr, I don't have classes but I will be submitting my proposal 2 days after Eid. I probably won't be celebrating like I usually did in Malaysia, just a simple food spread & gathering with friends.

With that, Happy 25th Birthday dear self. You have come a long way, you can do this you are more than capable of doing this. Chin up, shoulders straight, smile. Life is good, dear self, life is good.

Happy birthday <3

~~***~~

Simple Cheesecake 

(Taken from: CakeAddicted.com)

**For a 7-inch pan**

.

600g cream cheese

3 eggs

1 cup sour cream

3/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup flour

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 tsp vanilla

Lemon zest from 1 lemon

2 cup cookie crumble

1/2 cup (113g) butter, melted

.

Preheat oven @ 180℃. Melt butter, mix with crumbled cookie, pressed into buttered springform/loose based 7-inch pan. Bake for 8-10 minutes. Lower oven temperature to 150℃.

.

Mix cream cheese & sugar+salt until well blended. Just use a whisk or wooden spoon (seriously). Mix in sour cream & flour. Beat in eggs, one at a time. Fold in lemon zest. Pour into baked crust. Bake for 60 minutes, cake should set around the edges but still jiggly & wiggly in the centre. Turn off the oven, left the cake to cool in the oven for an hour or so. Popped into fridge to chill for minimum 4 hours before cutting into it.

.

Notes: I used fan forced oven for this. I might need to tweak the baking time when I'm back to using electric oven. But start checking from 45 minutes mark.

2015, ends here

Salam.

Hello humans! I've just got back from my short europe trip, finished unpacking and dusting the room, and had my dinner (shin ramyun FTW), catchup with all the gaya daejuns performances and 10 minutes in 1N2D. It's 9:50pm on new year's eve, and i'm sleepy like.. very sleepy.

I started 2015 in my room, in USJ, my lovely comfy room, and now I'm ending 2015 in my Salford room, which is cold where I'm sitting now, but my bed is superrrr warm and cosy (i am so tempted to jump into the bed and sleep now). things has been going on pretty well, my uncle in Luton said I looked way happier than I was when he last saw me in Malaysia (thats like in August), and I can say, I am happy where I am now. Living here, out of nowhere tercampak di bumi Salford, Manchester, alone with no family or friends nearby (everyone is nearby through whatsapp and skype, but still...). It's hard at first, but 3 months plus in, I am at a very comfortable place with this whole migration thing.

As some people might know, I do have plan to living here (as in working here and building my life here) after masters ended. I've been thinking a lot.. especially after I had a long talk with my aunt who's living in Luton (30 minutes out of London) about the pros and cons of settling down here. I might take this thing seriously, but my mom might kill me if I tell her. She's already been very reluctant when I keep on talking about not getting married and settling down in UK for good, and also bringing both of my parents here to live with me. I took two months to make her understand and approve my decision to pursue my masters here, i might need a year or more to convince her to come and live with me here.

Good news is, there's a lot of job opportunities here, for a QS especially, but that won't be using my masters degree, I probably would only have to show my undergraduate degree to apply for the jobs. but still there's a lot of choice, and I am not worried about job openings tho. What I worried the most is, whether or not this is the correct, or the right path of my life.

Coming here in 2015 was actually not in the plan, as my original plan is early 2016, but I guess, God is trying to tell me something when he 'moves' my heart to push for Sept 2015..

Anywaysss, thats 2015 for me. Had a job, quit the job, flew thousands miles away, adjusting to new environment, living the life, been to few europe countries, learn how to cook to feed myself.. what an accomplishment.

/I'll write up a quick post about our EU trip soon, just don't wait for it, I might not even do it, but I'll try/

See you in 2016.

InsyaAllah.

Twenty-four

Salam.

The annual post is here back again. Yep, it's my birthday post, yet again. I rarely typed in here lately, because I dont feel comfortable talking about my problems or feelings like I used to. Woah, I'm getting older and I'm twenty-four!

Highlight of the year:
1) Graduated with Bachelor (Hons) in Quantity Surveyor

Convocation Day

Seri Iskandar, Perak

4/1/2015

2) Got a very good paying job.

3) Got accepted to University of Salford to pursue my Masters.

Yeay~!

4) Went on short getaway to Seoul-Osaka-Tokyo with my sisters.

 Seoul, Korea

25/4/2015-28/4/2015

Osaka & Tokyo, Japan

28/4/2015-3/5/2015

Nothing much on personal life, everything is still the same. Oh noticably this annual post is getting shorter and shorter each year. Okay, by next year, I will be posting this post from Salford, I hope. InsyaAllah.

Happy birthday to me.
May all your wishes come true.
God bless you.

Saying goodbye yet to another year

I'm writing (typing) this on the 30th because I'm pretty sure I'll be sleeping at this time tomorrow.

To recap my 2014, which I think ends on similar notes as last year.

Real Life:
1) Completed my degree, had my second convocation
2) Secured quite a good job, although the first few months was a struggle
3) Giving back to my parents, though still haven't managed to convince them to let me pay their food
4) Meeting my long lost best friend, after 14 years. No words to describe, she's my first bestfriend ever.
5) Reunion with lovely dorm mates, after 6 years.
6) Fate stumbles upon us, we met again after 6 years lost of contact, my dear Maryam
7) 10th anniversary of my lovely friend, whom I regret not appreciate her enough, I miss you kiddo

KPOP Life:
1) Uh.. still no new music from BIGBANG
2) Oh and WINNER debuts!

On the day I'm writing (typing) this, I haven't bake anything since I started working. I whipped up some cream puff last two weeks just because my whipping cream is due soon. And I'm also coming down with flu and mild fever.

What to look forward to in 2015?
1) Masters application process
2) Mom and Dad trip to France (lucky them)
3) Possible short trip to Kuching
4) Korea (?)

I might end up going to Korea, if and only if BIGBANG announce their upcoming comeback is the last before they enlists. I hope I can watch them once again, this time at their homeground.

Ah, yes, I am planning to further my studies soon. Although some of my batchmates may already halfway done with their masters, but if I leave for my masters in Feb 2015, my mom will kill me. Since my sister just flew to France in June, you think she will let another daughter leave them just like that? I took months to convince them about this masters thingy. Phew.

January 2016, insyaAllah.
Ameen.

Goodbye 2014.
You've been awesome albeit arsehole sometimes.

Hello 2015.
Be good.
May Allah bless.

10.06.2014 0.00 A.M

Salam.

Hello readers. Its that time of the year again. Its been 3 years since I started this annual post. And to be quite honest, things has changed drastically.

Looking back at 3 years ago, I was being immature and selfish. However, I still stand on those reasons I laid out. At that time, I need to be selfish in order to help me overcome all those insecurities I felt.

If people found this blog today, they might find there's lack of updates to this blog since 2 years ago. I revert some posts to draft as I am regretting my 21-22 years old self. I was being immature and self-centered, to the point that I cringed reading back all those posts.

Entering the age of 23, it opens my eyes wide about certain facts that previously I chose to ignore, however in current situation I do not have privilege to be ignorant of such matters. Firstly, I realized I can't trust anyone, although I've known these humans for several years. Secondly, I acknowledged that some people just can't stand me being me. Thirdly, I realized I can't be friend with people who don't even consider me as a friend.

Being me, I am wondering why people are curious about my previous lovelines. To be very honest, its ugly. My past relationships were nothing but a bad experience. So far I never had a good relationship to be content about. And being me, I am terribly annoyed that people are very very inquisitive about who I am dating or who I am in relationship with. Frankly, since I hardly ask about your lovelife, would you please stop being so curious of who I am dating as of late? And for real though, I don't even care who you are seeing or who is your scandal, cuz its not my business and I don't even interested to know.

And as I turn 23, I also realized I had different views in life, far different from typical Malay and Muslim. Some might think I had strayed far away from Islam, and to be quite honest I might have strayed but not too far. I just wanted people to open their mind open their eyes wide that there's so much more than what they see. May Allah guide me to the right path whilst trying to put some light towards what matters.

And as I turn 23, I still dont get it why people are so obsessed with politics and all its drama. That's that.

And turning 23 helps me to make some important decisions in my life, for the future me. All I can do right now is planning and praying everything went well.

And finally, happy birthday dear self.

6 more months till UK.

Ameen.

End of year post

Salam.

Hello humans. It's been awhile since I particularly wrote anything. I'm sorry, been busy and just not in the mood to write tbh.

As usual, end of year post, will be about recapping the whole year, let's start!

1) First, one of my closest friend got married!!! Congrats love, and I'm wishing you all the best for the future!!!

2) My parents finally let me drive the Swift back and forth from Perak-KL, which is awesome but then somehow it teaches me about money. ><

Uh actually scrap that thought of recapping, cuz nothing awesome happens except me now have a car and my friend got married. Uh. Yeah.

May I somehow make some resolution? Which of course I'll try hard to achieve it!

1) Solat tak tinggal >< my only weakness is this, ahh
2) Successfully plan a back-forth trip to Korea with bunch of friends! My parents seemed okay with it, just need to collect more money!
3) Visit my sis who gonna fly to France in June! Cant wait!
4) And, somehow settle down with someone.


Alrighty! Thats all, folks! Thankyou for the visit to my blog. I dont even know what are you guys doing ere but yeah Happy New Year and may the new year brings a lot of joy and luck and blessings to each one of you!

Thankyou, and goodbye 2013!
Salam.

A year later

Salam.

This is an annual post for this blog. Its been a year since the last post. What have I achieved?

Actually not that much. I went to watch BIGBANG live. Still alone. Almost halfway done with degree.

I dont think I spent a year wisely. But sometimes we just need to go with the flow right? ^_^

I am still me just I think little changes meant no harm. Umur dah 22 tahun ni I really wanted to be a better lady a better muslimah a better daughter a better sister a better friend a better student.

People talk behind my back cuz they thinknI wont hear them. I do know when people talk behind my back. Terima kasih sebab tolong tambahkan pahala aku. <3

Lastly, happy 22nd birthday dear self.
Be happy.
Ignore others.

Goodbye, 2012

Salam.

Today is 30/12/2012, and I'm boarding the 8:30 a.m bus back to Seri Iskandar, charming ain't it? Original plan is to return back to SI on the 1st, but sudden random ECO test tomorrow lands me on this early bus, yeah devastating enough.

I'll be publishing this tomorrow tho, to bid farewell to another year, just like any other year. It's time to add another label to this blog, 2013. Wow.

Highlight of the 2012 :

1) OBVIOUSLY BIGBANG CAME TO MALAYSIA AND I WENT TO THEIR CONCERT WHATTTT~~ hahah awesome experience being a VIP, and didn't regret it yet tho, although sometimes I feel like banging my head for stanning these human being who is seriously fucked up somewhere. LOL I love them to death and yeah I am learning to accept their weird way of being a celebrity, sigh help me

2) Graduated from diploma. And now a degree student all in one year. Yippee, not. Still having second thought on this matter. Starting to lose it now, little by little.

That's all for this year. Nothing much.

So, take care, and see you next year!
<3
Salam.

End of January 2012

Salam.

Hello peeps. It's been a while since I posted anything long enough. Tho, I'm not sure whether this post will be as long as I wanted it to be. Masa mengejar kita, and we are getting left behind.

There's nothing much to say. I already said too much, the truth, the pain. Dalam phone. Tapi malas nak transfer ke sini, takut nanti ada yang mengata.

Nak cerita pasal lovelife lagi ke? Sakit lah kalau macamtu, sebab it is still the same. I'm still a single lady, with a closet full of skeletons. Which I would never want to open it, until I found the right one, THE one.

Oh my, rindu gila nak rasa sesuatu seperti dulu. Sejak mula tahun baru, rasa yang bertanda sejak setahun yang lepas, dah pudar. Mungkin juga dah hilang.

Mungkin. Giving up is hard, because when I fall, I fall hard. Kalau tak, aku takkan suffer macam sekarang. He's nothing to me, takda ikatan pun. Sepatutnya senang la kan? Susah la..




But, I do learning to let go. Slowly.
Doakan?







Salam.

End, of 2011, my way

Salam.

It is 30th of December, year 2011. Soon, we will leave behind another year, and say hello to a new year.

If anyone reading this is one of my FB friends, I guess you should already know, I just got back from Kedah, at first just to pay visit to my ill uncle, end up going to his funeral instead. Yes, I lost another family member. A close one, this time.

My father almost fainted knowing his little brother had gone into coma on Wednesday morning. I never seen him so shaken up. I know, he loved his brothers so much, especially this one. They are so close, constantly in touch, especially with my sister studying near my uncle's house.

Oh my, hanya Allah tahu apa rasanya melihat anaknya paling kecil menangis memanggil abahnya. Siapa yang tak meleleh air mata melihat anak-anaknya yang dulunya ceria, merah biji mata, menangis merayu supaya abah mereka bangun? Tangan ayah aku menjadi tempat bergantung sesiapa sahaja yang tak tahan melihat sekujur tubuh yang kaku. 

He was a very likeable person. I do like being around him. He was so nice to everyone, I miss his laughter. I miss his voice, and I miss everything about him. Ya Allah, luluh hati melihat seorang yang sangat ceria, terbujur sebegitu rupa dengan wayar, tiub dan sebagainya melingkari badannya. Sedih bagaimanapun kita, hati anak-anak dan isterinya tak dapat kita rasa. Mereka lagi lah, sekelip mata sahaja. Hilang seorang abah, seorang suami.

Pakcik memang berpenyakit. Jantung. Tapi, dia meninggal tanpa ada kaitan dengan jantungnya. 

Jantungya sangat lemah untuk bertahan sehingga ke hujungnya. Hanya mampu bergantung pada life support semata-mata.

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kali ini, kematian beliau sangat menusuk. Ayah aku sebagai abang, lagi lah. Hanya mampu berserah. Melihat ayahku menenangkan anak-anak pakcik aku yang memberontak nak abah mereka, luluh hati, especially yang kecil tu la. Pertama kali aku melihat ayahku berlinangan air mata, siapa yang tahan melihat adik kesayangan keras, kaku?

Lagi, anak pakcik aku yang sulung cuma baya-baya kita je, 20s. 24 if I'm not mistaken. Sudah bekerja, alhamdulillah. Tapi masih setahun jagung. Bak kata ayah aku. Yang bongsu, baru 8 tahun. sedih hati tengok matanya merah-merah, dan macam orang kaku, ditarik sahaja ke sana sini, hanya nak abahnya.. sedih.

Baya kita je, dah hilang ayah. Tak mustahil, kita juga bakal hilang ayah atau mak kita. Kan?

Aku tak dapat bayangkan kehilangan ayah aku. He's my everything. Ayah selalu mahu mati cepat, sebab dia kata taknak anak-anak susah payah menjaga dia. Sedih. Because he had seen enough of the neglect. My grandmother and grandfather from my mother's side was neglected, and he is the one who took them in, and take care of them, until their last breath. 

I ended my year, with a goodbye to my uncle.

May Allah bless you,

and for you to be placed among the good

Rest in peace.

Al-Fatihah.

Salam.

Anxious and Excited

Salam.

It's Sunday. A week from now, I'll be at Perak, menjadi seorang budak perantau again. Rindu nak jumpa semua orang, at the same time, mampu ke duduk sana another 4 months setelah 5 bulan melepek dekat rumah? Lepas 5 bulan memanjakan diri dengan katil, dengan internet, dengan makanan sedap-sedap, mampu ke balik sana dan tak berpeluang tidur seenak sekarang?

I guess we will just have to wait and see. Sungguh, tak sangka dah nak balik sana. Teringat lagi the last day tinggalkan Perak, dengan mindset, ada kemungkinan takkan balik ke sini for a year, if tak lepas praktikal. Alhamdulillah, lepas jugak, and now, kembali packing untuk pulang ke sana.

Agak memeningkan kepala untuk packing kali ni. Since tak dapat bilik lagi, tak tau nak bawak barang apa. Susun barang, lepas tu macam terpikir, what if benda ni diperlukan? Susun balik lagi. Sort out sort sort, tetiba macam terpikir, ish benda ni macam nak kena guna je nanti.

Pening! It is for one week trial. Sementara nak dapat bilik kan? Baju mungkin no hal, satu beg tarik tu je lah I'm planning to take there, cuma masalah sekarang, BOOKS! Macam tak boleh tinggal satu pun kat rumah. Macam nak kena bawak semua. Tapi, nak letak mana? Bilik dah la takda kan.. heeee kalau sikit tu takpe, ni kalau dapat pinjam contract doc dari office, lagi lah )': nak nanges!

Cuma, sekarang tengah pilih baju kurung untuk seminggu. Then dah kena pack smua siap-siap untuk second delivery lepas dapat bilik nanti. Hadoi hadoi. My room is a mess! Baju kurung mostly berlipat berlonggok atas rak tu sebab banyak sangat. Nak kena letak tepi yang dah tak muat. Yes, my ass is getting wider, so most of my old baju kurung since Muar time, dah tak boleh masuk. Baju je elok masuk. Habes takkan nak pakai dengan seluar kot kan? Kalau matching takpe, ni baju zaman asrama dulu, bunga-bunga lah, meriah lah. Mana masuk dengan seluar. Derr macam nak repeat balik memori orientasi Part 1 lah pulak. Pakai tracksuit dengan baju kurung, plus sport shoes. Yes, disaster!

Of my private life, I had deactivated my FB account. Harap-harap tiada apa yang penting. Harap-harap. Haih. Since tak ramai yang akan jumpa blog ni since I've changed the link, so ada possiblity takda sapa tahu. Nobody cares about me lah. So what? I'm not a social person. Takda hati nak bergaul dengan mereka. Sebab takkan paham pun apa diorang merepek. Merepek je lah lebih. Sabar je lah.

My maxis dah expired. But ada $9 excess of credit. And actually ada $4 of free airtime. Fuck kan? Nak call sapa weyyy.. Adam dah merajuk tahap paling tinggi, which pada aku sangat menyampah nak pujuk. Over sangat. Papelah. Atai dah ada awek, Lelaki Harapan.. kalau call, dia nak angkat ke? )': Rindu lah dekat dia, tapi.. if this is the best for both of us, then let it be. Kalau ada, ada lah.

I let go of my feelings to someone the past weekend. Siapa? Rasanya semua orang boleh agak. (: I thought I had let go of the feelings months ago. But, I guess I am just a joke to him. I do respect him as a person, and he had given me so much to ponder about. But, at last, the reality sunk in. I had to let go, no matter what. He is just not worth my time.

Although, from now on, I don't actually know if I can trust any guy to let them into my life again, but I don't actually want to give up. I love the feeling of being in love. Cuma belum ketemu pemilik tulang rusuk kiri ini. InsyaAllah, satu hari nanti. Ameen.

Salam.

Marriage,

Salam.

Lately, mood berterabur sikit. 

Reason? Baru rasa bahagia sikit, ada je lah yang menghalang. Mungkin ini salah satu tanda we're not meant to be together. Walaupun dalam hati ada taman, kalau dah bukan jodoh, bukan lah jawabnya, no matter what you did.

I am seriously contemplating marriage lately. 

HAHA.

No, I am serious. Marriage seems like a reasonable thing right now.

Why? Let just say, dah jemu dan menyampah dengan konsep 'couple'. Sekarang ni, takda lelaki yang respectable untuk dijadikan boyfriend. Even muka baik gila, pakai kopiah pun otak sikit punya kuning. Ajak nak main je memanjang. Macam ni ke boyfriend?

Apa lagi suami.

Susah nak carik a good husband-to-be sekarang. Susah nak carik lelaki yang 'teruna' sekarang, as in tak pernah buat seks, kau nak melancap ikut suka hati kau lah. Tapi, yang tak pernah main? Susah do. Susah. Entah lah, I've been around lately, in the internet, facebook, tagged (HIKHIK) and what I'd found is very dissapointing. Sedih woh tengok lelaki Melayu hancur.

Perempuan Melayu? Lagi hancur. -.- 

Pendapat aku yang ntahkeberapa, 

Lelaki ni, dia kalau boleh nak isteri yang suci, alim, solehah, sedangkan dia lah yang merosakkan bakal-bakal isteri kaum lelaki yang lain.

Lelaki ni, nak yang sempurna je pada dia. Kalau yang tak perfect tu, taknak. Tolak tepi. Tapi, bila difikirkan, mereka jugak lah yang buat seseorang perempuan tu imperfect. Masa couple, nak main, pujuk rayu, merajuk, pujuk sampai dapat main. Bila dah dapat, pusing 4-5 bulan main je setiap kali jumpa. Dah bosan, pass kat member pulak. Perempuan pun bodoh kan? Kalau dah sayang, semua sanggup ( ditujukan kepada diri sendiri ). Sayang punya pasal.  

Damn guys. Aku masih dara lah. Maksud aku, being passed around like an object/toys, I've been there, done that. Masih dalam kitaran tersebut. Masih cuba melepaskan diri. TQ. #jgnnkBLUEsgt 

Haih.

Jujurnya, aku dah taknak buat benda bukan-bukan.

Dosa seorang perempuan, ditanggung oleh bapanya selagi belum berkahwin. Jika bapanya mati, dosanya ditanggung oleh saudara lelakinya. Selepas kahwin, dosanya ditanggung oleh suaminya. Selepas suaminya mati, dosanya ditanggung oleh anak lelakinya. 

Cukup kot aku meletakkan terlalu banyak dosa ke atas ayah aku. I've done enough. I wish I can say sorry, but sorry would not be enough. I'm no good, anymore.

Sebab tu, aku betul-betul tekad nak kahwin. As soon as possible. Bukan sebab dah gatal gila nak buat seks, tak sabar-sabar, sebab aku dah taknak ayah aku terbeban dengan dosa aku. He have three daughters. If one of us get married as soon as possible, he'd be only burden by two, not three. 

Ayah selalu cakap, pakai lah elok-elok, labuhkan lah tudung tu, jangan pakai seluar tu ketat sangat. And he'll say to end his nagging, kesian lah kat ayah kena tanggung dosa tu. Tapi, aku takpernah dengar cakap dia.

)': Sebab tu, aku lebih better kahwin, dan ringankan beban ayah aku.  

I want to do this, without guilt

 

Thanks for reading.

Salam. 

Aku gemok, ada problem?

salam (:

masuk hari ni, dah brp rmi tegur kata aku dah gemuk. ok fine. aku admit aku mmg dah berisi. aku xkn guna perkataan gemuk sbb ada perbezaan gemuk dan berisi. but definisi gemuk dan berisi ni depends on whoever yg define kan these two words.

bagi aku, gemuk means obese. maksudnya, mmg obvious gila kau dah overweight, smpi even pki baju XXXXXL pun nmpk bentuk badan kau. paham? bukan nak kutuk, bukan nak condemn, bukan nak judge. nak bagi paham. gemuk bagi aku, satu perkataan yg offensive even it is really the truth. aku xkesah kena panggil gemuk ke boncet ke apa ke.. sbb aku sedar badan aku macamna. aku bukan keding mcm papan, aku bukan ada hourglass figure. aku bukan apple shaped, aku bukan pear shaped.

bg aku jgk, sesiapa yg sentap pasal kena ejek gemuk or whatever, means tht dia xleh terima the reality of her@his body. klu kau rasa body kau tiptop mmg shape perfect gila, buat ape kau sentap bila org kata kau gemuk. pandai2 pk la sama ada org tu kutuk @ puji @ menganjing kau.

aku personally, suka menganjing bdk2 ni gemuk, nk tau knp? 1st aku jeles sbb aku tau bdn diorg mmg akn kekal kerempeng sbb genetik. and tht's all. ye aku jeles tgk bdn2 korg kerempeng mcm tu. or balanced. bontot kau saiz normal bukan XXXXXXL, pinggang kau ada la bentuk jgk, bukan menggeleber.

paham?

aku viewed diri aku as berisi. mmg since puberty bdn aku naik. i love to eat, and i cant stop eating. so bdn aku jd gedebab. but then, there's a period where i think every girl goes through.

masa aku form 2, aku starved diri aku. aku tak makan. and aku turun mendadak. aku sakit kepala hari2, sbb xmakan tp active pergi latihan sukan petang. i hardly eat, my mom is worried sick, and masa tu family aku mmg tgh krisis. so semua tu affect aku. bdn aku kerempeng gila smpi aku sendiri tkt.

tp smua tu habes bila aku masuk form 3. aku gedebab balik. esp lepas raya. aku igt lg sbb ada gmbr2 sbg bukti. nak tgk?

aku snggup letak gmbr aku buruk2 sbb nak buat blog ni. -____________-

then, ASRAMA. aku masuk gedebab seperti gmbr2 di atas, and by cuti tgh tahun, bulan 6 mcmtu, aku jd slim. aku xckp kerempeng sbb aku tak. aku slim. aku masuk ASRAMA berat 64KG,  by end of form 4, 55KG. bangga x? HAHAHHA bangga doh.

aku xtipu. sumpah. masa awl thn form 4, aku buat rutin makan aku, dinner je. TAPI! mcm xkena sbb kena g riadah then kelam kabut g makan then kelam kabut siap utk prep mlm. SO aku tuka rutin makan aku kpd lunch shj. so aku ada byk masa nak get ready utk prep without berebut toilet. :D genius kan? HAHAHHA so aku buat ni smpi SPM. cuma bila SPM tu, aku makan dr breakfast smpi supper. tp badan ttp maintain sbb rajin basuh baju guna tgn :D

aku suka badan aku masa form 4 form 5. slim woo. tu yg lps SPM terus sangkut boyf. HAHAHHA 

nak bukti? tak tipu aku kurus. tp myb xde gmbr yg boleh tunjuk aku kurus sbb SAMURA mana boleh pki baju ketat2. gila ke ape.. aku pki short sleeve pergi toilet pun dah kena sound NGEHEHE

FORM 4 - puasa 2007

FORM 5

then, ada boyfren, putus, patah hati, makan dalam, dan sbgnya,

MULA2, berat aku turun lg dr post-ASRAMA then, naik turun naik turun. haih. salahkn dia la. frust makan. happy berat turun.

so stop calling me gemuk. instead, just say "hey kau dah berisi!" duuh. common sense. 

//notes to mak ayah makcik yg mulut laser. shut up. i knw im fat. so what?

aku lg rela bdn aku berisi drpd kurus and dpt boyf comel2, dah jaga elok2, then dia tinggalkn kita sbb dpt pmpn bdn montok. HELLO kau suruh aku maintain bdn aku slim-slim, kau g ngendeng kt pmpn bdn gedebab. -_______-" tension ah.

aku xkesa pun lelaki tegur aku gemuk. so? kau ada problem ke dgn bdn aku? aku awek kau ke? even lelaki yg konon-konon nak "berkawan then kita boleh la couple" tegur bdn aku pun aku buat bodoh ape lg mmber lelaki. 

aku xkesa badan aku gemuk ke gedebab ke ape ke.. yg penting aku tau berat aku normal. x lagi mencecah obese. aku tau la mcmne nk jaga berat aku. aku happy dgn badan aku. apasal kau x? drpd aku jd anorexic or bulimic better aku mkn ikut suka hati aku and klu satu hari nnt aku jadi obese, well kau ada kelebihan utk ckp PADAN MUKA kat aku. 

(: okey? boleh drop the "gemuk" subject? good. 

badan aku ikut suka hati aku lah. kau nak comment2, kau igt comment kau tu boleh kuruskn bdn aku on the spot ke? duuh

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 

Day of LASIK :D

salam.

idk what to tell you guys abt the procedures. honestly. tak boleh nak describe dgn kata2. well, i'll try k?

first, the day before LASIK. we need to take meds every 2 hours. luckily, its liquid and its for the eyes. so its only the matters of seconds to drop it into the eyes. ubat ni tujuan dia nak kecilkn anak mata kita. we need our pupils to be small so that the laser machine or something can detect it. i think la kan.. heheh

then, the day of the LASIK. bertolak dr rumah at 8 in the morning. went to petrol stations and banks before heading to the PCMC. 8.45 sharp we reached the centre and went straight to LASIK centre. its freaking cold and early. we're like the only one in the hospital. -______-"

then, a nurse, kak amy dtg and check anak mata. mine and daddy was perfectly small but my sis xkecik2 jgk anak mata dia. so the nurse put more of the meds we took the day before and asked us to wait wait and wait.

so we wait. mak amek gmbr and kitorg nmpk selekeh. urghhhhhh

and ni la kak amy. dia sgt cool. dia minx i ajar dia how to wear shawl the way i was wearing it today. so i teached her right after my eyes are much better adapting. (:

then, my dad was called in to get his eyes cleaned and prep for the surgery. ngaa we had to wear the scrubs and the thingy on our head.

my dad doesnt want to stay inside the room so he went out and rest before he start the procedure. then my sis was called. but when the nurse was cleaning her eyes, her pupil still isnt mengecil. urghhh mak ckp, knp lah degil sgt nak kecikkn anak mata tu ntah. hahaha. i was called in after tht. and we both rested inside the room. my pupils are perfectly the right size needed for the procedure. so i will going second after daddy. ngaaa knp lah kakak ku puny bijik mata susah sgt nak dgr arahan? -_____-"

resting and resting and i fell asleep. haha ajaib kan? cuak sbnrnya.. tp penat jgk. so eventually i dozed off abt half hour before waking up at 11 am to find my daddy being wheeled in the surgery room. ngaaa daddyyyy

then the procedures started. mak however, cuma amek gmbr my daddy and my kakak punya procedure. for mine, she only took videos. tgk lah nnt da boleh upload i letak kt sini. ngeh mama ni.. 

so the first thing dr muhaya did was put us under the first machine which functions to mould our eyes for the laser machine. i xbrp phm sgt and masa i ddk bwh machine tu, i cuma rasa cuak and nak nanges to think abt wth the machine was doing. ok ok. we jz need to focus to a green dot in a tube for abt 30 seconds. ooo before tht. dr muhaya bukak mata kitorg luas2. i mean luas2 like she used this tool to push the lids, upper and lower, so tht only eyeball tht shows. yep eyeball guys. sebijik bulat mcm bola golf only smoother la. nmpk la bijik mata kita ni rupanya gedabak. :D

then after she's done with the first machine, as i said im not so sure the function of the first machine. sorry. so we moved on to the second mchine. okay this 2nd machine is the laser machine which is where the real procedure takes place. 

first, dr muhaya will do the flap. flap tu mksdnya she opens up the outer layer of the cornea and it forms a flap. u know, a flap. mcm amek kertas, lipat 2. u got a flap. kan kan? phm la kn.. emm this is for the laser to pnetrate the cornea and do what it suppose to do. correct our eye defect. mind you, the lights under both machines are super duper bright. my eyes are watering and literally crying due to forcing my eyes to focus on tht damn green dots. so on the 2nd machine we also need to focus to the dot. 

then, the laser. haha. the laser is so cool. xrasa pape lngsng cuma bising sikit and bau mcm terbakar. normallah kan. i knw it will smell burnt so i can handle tht. cuma yg seksanya.. bila laser tu da start.. the green dot becomes red and blue sparks. phm x? idk which to focus so my eyes are wriggling. haha. dr muhaya was like "anati.. fokus kt dot. okey goood." it only lasted a second then my eyes are wriggling again. haih. tu kot yg seksa. the laser thingy lasted abt 20-30 seconds and then the same thing repeated on the other eyes.

less than 20 minutes.. its over. and honestly, even my eyes are watery and blurred a lil bit.. i can see clearly like i was wearing my specs. tht is THE best feeling i've ever felt. i felt like crying. at last. 

we had to waer sunglasses at first sbb my seat is facing the window so its so bright. and my eyes are watering like non-stop. after i reached my seat and lay down.. i shut my eyes and it cant be opened and i fell asleep until it was almost 1 o'clock. gmbr ni lps bgn dr tido. my eyes are still shut btw. haha luckily korg xnmpk. (: 

my eyes like glued together at first masa bgn dr tidur. berat sgt nk bkk. mcm xnk bkk pun ada sbb tkt. tkt xnmpk pape. tkt nothing change. mybe it was all dreams. serious itu yg i pikir mula2. but then i forced it to open slowly. and the second it did.. jz a fraction open, tears fell. like i was crying. but i wasnt. it jz the meds and all. jatuh2. basah muka by the time it stopped. when i was adapting to the new eyes,  my dad who already adapted to his new eyes muncul and check anak2 dia. 

btw masa ni, kakak i br nk masuk surgery. she's abt 2 hrs behind us. due to her stubborn pupils. (:

lps dah okey sikit, i waited for my sis to finish her turn and my dad went to see the doctor after my sis finish. then my mom ajak turun g makan and we left my sis to rest since dia br je lg kena. makan2 kt PCMC was hell expensive. pernah dgr nasi goreng kampung smpi RM28.90? kita kt uitm pun, RM4 la paling mahal pun. gila betul. tp makan je lah. lapar.

then we went back up to retrieve my sis and left for home. by the time nak balik tu, mata i dah start to clear up and i can see better. cuma time tu jauh xbrp nk clear lg. skrg dah normal dah. cuma screen lptp ni berbalam lg.. mybe terang sgt. i dah dimmed kan pun still berbalam. xpelah lps ni i nak masuk tidur. need rest. dead tired.

cool x spec i? hahahah. thx daddy for the LASIK, for the spec and for the food. love you so much. okey mulai skrg, anak ayah xkn dmnd mcm2. kena spend less as my dad says. yg priority dah settle. alhamdulillah. (:

cuma the prob skrg ni, follow up pnya appointment. kakak i dh start praktikal this monday the same day whe should be going for the follow up. satu rumah tgh pening kepala mcm mana nak buat excuse dkt supervisor dia since its her 1st day. cnfirm la mcm sticky sikit nak keluar kan. tp since she's wearing a contct lense right now, she need to be at PCMC on monday for the check up. i xkena pki. 

the contact lenses was just acting like a bandage to the cornea. my dad wore it both of his eyes but he took it off already before we went for lunch. my sis ni, since procedure dia start lmbt, by the time the cntct lense need to be taken off, doktor pun dah balik. saturday is half day for PCMC. wahh br i tau hospital pun ada half day.

(:

thts all i guess. 

video insyaALLAH next post.

BUBYE.

LASIK. wth is it?

salam. (:

today, 19 Nov. 2010. my older sis, my dad and me went for eye check up at prince court med cntre. PCMC is one of the newest private med cntre in the heart of KL. it's super duper fab, landscapes are gorg and the price tags triples of what outside the cntre. (:

not a normal eye check up. it's for LASIK. nak tau ape LASIK? jap. copying and pasting.

"LASIK or Lasik (laser-assisted in situ keratomileusis) is a type of refractive surgery for correcting myopia, hyperopia, and astigmatism. LASIK is performed by ophthalmologists using a laser.^[1] LASIK is similar to other surgical corrective procedures such as photorefractive keratectomy, PRK, (also called ASA, Advanced Surface Ablation) though it provides benefits such as faster patient recovery. Both LASIK and PRK represent advances over radial keratotomy in the surgical treatment of vision problems, and are thus viable alternatives to wearing corrective eyeglassesor contact lenses for many patients." - source :WIKIPEDIA

in short, a LASIK surgery is where eye defects are corrected with a laser surgery. tht's all. and my mom done it and it took only 15 minutes! impressive huh?

a person aged 18 and above can undergo this surgery. bcz when we reached 18, our "power" hahah ok ok spec's power tu kan.. dah stabil. so klu muda sgt buat, kemungkinan power of our eyes akn increase even after LASIK sbb LASIK does not prevent the power to stop increasing. faham? so it's worth the money. it's around RM9000++ for a person. but the price is lower when you're doing one eye. kami bertiga dpt discount sikit sbb buat 3 org sekali, so it's around RM7000++ per person. sounds a lot. but it's worth it. as my dad says so.

belum tengok cara operate lg? sanggup?

NAH!!!



muntah i xtau aaa. sumpah geli. siyes shit. tp mak ckp, bila kita yg kena operate xrasa apepun. ntah la.






my family ain't rich to do this thing. sometimes when things in need, money comes somehow. so bersyukur sgt Dr. Muhaya, our eye surgeon just now ckp, she's willing to lower the price for us since she knew our family and my auntie who first did LASIK with her also. (':


i masuk operation ESOK. ye kwn-kwn, mulai esok, i dah spec-less. dah xkn sentuh spectacles. jz sunglasses from tomorrow on. (:

my eyes are tired from 11 tests we had to go through jz now. sgt penat. esok lg lembik. ): i'm dead tired. hopefully mlm ni terus knocked down, and xpk psl benda2 xsepttnya i pk. but wish me luck for tomorrow.


PCMC is the BEST lasik centre in Malaysia, up to now. the optometrists there are very experinced, and the surgeons are very peramah. (: i loike.


sbb diorg kata i comel harini. :D nagahahahhaha i guess i am. :P
















my post is not organized. negh biar lah. oh the vid is scary. skip it. takut korg menangis. i cried when i saw it at PCMC today.